Attitude reboot

1 Feb

Something interesting happened to me this week. I started having trouble writing my blog posts, not because I wasn’t having fun or being successful. I actually started having trouble with my writing BECAUSE I was being successful. I know it sounds crazy, but after receiving a few compliments about my work and finding out something I had written inspired someone to change her life, I got scared. I suddenly felt this enormous pressure to say something profound every day. Just so you know, that thought literally made me laugh out loud when I finally put it in writing. I am not a quiet, brooding, profound kind of person. I am a person who is light hearted most of the time and in love with life.

Another reason I struggled to get the words out was because I felt such a sense of responsibility. I felt responsible for each word and how people would receive them. I felt responsible for how people would feel after they received, and I felt even more responsible for controlling my own life, which was kind of crazy this past week. All that responsibility was overwhelming, but, and this is a huge AHA moment for me, I realized how ridiculous feeling all this responsibility was. I realized, once again, that I cannot control how anyone feels or responds, only they can do that. I choose, instead, to be pleased and humbled that something I said helped others feel better and live better. It’s why I started the blog in the first place. I also realized that part of my fear came from judging myself by standards that were higher than they should have been, and although I think each of us can always be a little better every day, sometimes being better means just being kinder to yourself and forgiving yourself for not quite reaching the brass ring you were shooting for.
So, today, I am starting over again and forgiving myself for my mental and spiritual stumble, and I’m re-dedicating myself to my favorite affirmation, “Every day, in every way, I get better and better.” Just reading that and thinking about it lets me forgive myself and have hope for better days. My plan is to sit down and figure out where I’m headed for the rest of this month, and to figure out what I would like to accomplish physically, spiritually and mentally. Later, I’ll check in with my family to see what their plans are. I know when I make plans I feel like there is a direction and purpose to my life. I also know that when I make plans, the Divine laughs, the proof being the text message I just got from my son letting me know that he left his oboe at home and needs it at school today. As the poet Robert Burns wrote, “The best laid plans of mice and men go often askew.” So askew I go until I can get back to the plan I have in mind, and I go with a lighter heart and a renewed love of my life. I hope those of you who have gotten off track, lost your direction or just aren’t sure how you got where you are in the first place will realize, we’re all in this together. You can do better. You can be better, and we can all live better every day. And if things don’t go quite as planned, a little forgiveness goes a long way. Thank you, my friends, for helping me to remember that. Have a great day!!

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One Response to “Attitude reboot”

  1. Clare Flourish February 1, 2012 at 5:16 pm #

    On the other hand, you might say something which you thought completely commonplace, cliched, dull, and it be the absolutely right thing for your reader to hear in that moment. The Dalai Lama laughs a lot, I understand.

    But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
    In proving foresight may be vain;
    The best-laid schemes o’ mice an ‘men
    Gang aft agley,
    An’lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
    For promis’d joy!

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