Life, Lessons and Letting Go

8 Feb

The past couple of weeks have been very stressful, and I’ve struggled to put my frustration into words. The struggle is because I would rather be uplifting than whine or complain. The struggle is because I want to understand the situation before I put my thoughts on paper. The struggle is because I want some kind of control over the situations that are plaguing my waking moments. And then I realize what it really is. I want to be in control of situations I have very little control over, and that’s what’s causing my stress. Wait! Control freak? Me? Again? Damn!

Without going into too much detail, there are two situations that require my attention these days. The most important is a medication issue with one of my children. One of my children takes multiple medications to survive. Every time my husband’s employer changes insurance companies, we have serious issues with one medication because it is one of the most abused drugs in the country. We have to jump through hoops to prove he needs it and we’re always sweating whether he will run out. This year he did. Since he started the medication, he has never missed more than one dose. This year he will miss at least two in a row. For those who know me, I am not a helicopter mom, but mess with my children, not in mundane every day stuff, but important stuff like keeping them from taking life sustaining medication, and I will make those helicopter parents look like a flea. I hurt some feelings and offended a few people along the way, but a week’s worth of the medication is due to be delivered here today. My son will have what he needs.

The other situation is an ongoing car issue. My husband’s car has been at the transmission shop at least three times in the past six months for the same problem. Each time the shop has had the car at least two weeks to fix the same problem. Until now, they have re-fixed the problem for free because we purchased a warranty. Now they want an extra $500 for more parts. I know nothing about transmissions, but my intuition is starting to poke at me and make me wonder if we are being taken to the cleaners. Because of an excellent year-end bonus, we had enough money to purchase a new car for my husband to have reliable transportation to work. So the question becomes how much money do we put into a car that is over a decade old so our teenagers can have a car for themselves, with one of them heading to college this fall?

So, even though I’ve spent so much of my life learning to let go and let God, to call in Divine Order, to turn it over to a higher power, situations still pop up that let me know how much I’ve grown and how much more growing I have to do. When it comes to my children, I have learned to let go of my guilt over hurting feelings and offending people in the process of getting what they need. I am sometimes the only advocate they have and I will always do my best for them without guilt. Could I learn to do it better? Probably; there’s always room for improvement, and I am certainly no exception.

As far as the car goes, my husband and I are still in the process of figuring out the lesson or lessons we’re supposed to learn from that situation, but we’re hopeful we’ll figure it out soon. In any case, I’m sure we’ll get it eventually, although sooner would be better (See? There’s that control thing again.). I do believe that everything happens for a reason even though we may not see the reason at the time. Some days that is what keeps me from going postal, oh, and the fact that I can finally put what I’m feeling into words. Thanks for listening and have a great day!

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One Response to “Life, Lessons and Letting Go”

  1. mindfullyhealing February 8, 2012 at 10:32 pm #

    I’m glad you finally found the words around what you’re feeling, and shared them with us!

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