My Miracle

9 Feb

My Miracle

And here we go again. I got a phone call from Children’s Hospital. Not only did the insurance company deny the claim for the brand of medicine for my youngest son that the doctor requested, but they denied the medication all together. Yes, they denied my child medication he needs to survive. According to the nurse, it’s a mistake. According to her, they just don’t understand his diagnosis. According to the insurance company, he only grew 3.3 centimeters in the last year instead of the 4.5 centimeters they require to continue medicating him, so for a mere 1.2 centimeters, my son is being denied. The appeal will be filed and so will the request to have the pharmaceutical company bridge the gap in his medication.

The irony is that I’m so much calmer this time around than the last time. Maybe I’m still in shock. Maybe I’m in denial. Maybe this all seems so ridiculous that I just believe it has to be fixed. I’m really not sure, but one of my favorite quotes popped into my head today, and I think that may have a lot to do with my attitude at the moment. Have you ever heard the expression “God never gives you more than you can handle”? I believe that with every fiber of my being. I also, however, embrace the idea that some days I wish he didn’t trust me so much.

You see, I am the keeper of a miracle, and the miracle is my son. Twelve years ago this month I started a two month stay in the hospital designed to keep a baby inside me where he needed to grow. He wasn’t due until May. I had other children at home. We were remodeling the bathroom. My husband had to work. It was not convenient. It was necessary, though, to give my child his best chance at survival. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. He came into the world by emergency C-section, feet first and wrapped up in his umbilical cord. He started out the day head down. Turning himself around was impossible. Not getting the cord wrapped around his neck was miraculous. He didn’t cry at first. I did. When he did cry it was pitiful and I cried harder, but he lived and he was beautiful and I loved him. Two days later, when we thought the worst was over, it wasn’t. We found out our perfect little baby had a pituitary condition that would require medication for the rest of his life. Our lives were changed forever. Since then, I learned more about the pituitary than I ever wanted to know. I learned how the endocrine system works, and I learned that if my third child had been born first, he wouldn’t have survived. Some of the medications that he needs to survive had not been invented then. Six years difference between a chance at a quality life and death. To me, that is another miracle.

Now an insurance company tells me that my son cannot have a medication that he needs to survive. Again, he doesn’t cry. I do. He smiles at me and when he isn’t around I cry harder. Almost twelve years ago I cried because the doctor said he needed to take medication for the rest of his life. Today I cry because I want him to have a very long “rest of his life”. He is my Angel and my miracle and I believe he is exactly as God intended him to be. He teaches me patience and joy and unconditional love, and I am a better parent and human being for having him in my life. So, for him, I put one foot in front of the other. For him, I smile at strangers. For him, I put on the brave face. For me, I’ll hold him a little longer when I give a hug. For me, I’ll think about all the joy he brings. For me, I’ll sneak in after he’s sleeping just to give him one more kiss. And for both of us, I’ll pray for another miracle. If you’re the praying type, I hope you will too. Thanks for being you and have a great day.


7 Responses to “My Miracle”

  1. nikkinickell February 9, 2012 at 6:50 pm #

    Who is the insurance company?

    • karenbemmes February 9, 2012 at 9:20 pm #

      It’s Medical Mututal of Ohio or more specifically it’s Medco, their specialty pharmacy division. The appeal has been filed and we should know early next week.

  2. Haley February 9, 2012 at 7:22 pm #

    My families prayers are with you! I couldn’t imagine going through this with my child, you are so so strong! Handsome little man you have there 🙂 I believe things will work for you, if God brings you to it he will bring you through it!

  3. Missi Bahr February 9, 2012 at 7:37 pm #

    Praying for you both. The Lord will take care of this Karen.

  4. mindfullyhealing February 9, 2012 at 9:58 pm #

    What a beautiful post…it gave me goose bumps.

    God trusts you so much for a reason. What a lucky boy.

  5. Sherry Lind February 10, 2012 at 4:14 pm #

    Voters, you make your choice: do you want insurance companies making these decisions or the government telling them they need to be more compassionate. It’s ironic that all I hear is: the government shouldn’t make my insurance decisions, when for profit companies do it all the time!


  1. My Big Fat Fear | karenbemmes - March 12, 2013

    […] in my own body. If you don’t regularly follow my blog, you can read the story in more detail at At that point, I basically went into auto pilot mode and being mom became the focus of my life. […]

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