I Can See Clearer Now

29 Feb

In my younger years, I was a very angry person. Anger has always been my “go to” emotion. Some people get depressed. Some people withdraw. Some people can actually remain calm in difficult emotional situations. I envy them. I get angry. I used to say I get mad, but after having a few British friends, I decided anger is better because mad is crazy too. But, back to my point; one of my sons got a zero on a science vocabulary quiz. When I questioned him about it, he said the teacher said they were going to review and then gave them a quiz with new words on it. I asked him if she had ever handed out a paper with those words on it. Why, yes she had, but he didn’t think they would be on the quiz because he heard the word review. This is not the first time something like this has happened to him.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell. I wanted to ask him how many freaking times do we have to have this same conversation? Instead, I told him that when a teacher hands out new material, it’s his responsibility to know the new and the old material. I told him that knowing what is on the quiz is his responsibility. I also told him that he would be losing a privilege because he was irresponsible. I was upset, but not angry. I was firm, but not mean. In the past, this tirade would have gone on and on until we both felt horrible about ourselves, but I’ve learned something important about why other people annoy us so. We get angry and upset with people, especially family members, because they don’t live up to our expectations, which is pretty self-centered (but that’s a subject for another post). In this case, while I have high expectations of my children, it was also something slightly different.

Every parent has a vision, not just FOR their children, but also OF their children. For me, I have always envisioned my children as leaders and I’ve told them so. What I forget to tell them, especially when I am disappointed or angry, is the vision I carry of them at their best. I know in my heart the men they can become and the positive difference they can make in the world with their unique talents and abilities. Each child is different, but each one is special and incredibly talented. I believe this about every child, not just my own, and it breaks my heart to hear people call their kids stupid or lazy and then wonder why the child lives down to that standard. So, after a few upsetting moments this morning, we changed our conversation. We talked about the vision I have for my son and how he sees himself. We talked about his unique abilities, and we talked about how to deal with the parts of life that aren’t always easy for him. He walked into school happier and hopefully more focused.

Ironically, I’ve been a bit unfocused today. I’ve been thinking about my conversation with him. I’ve been doing what he did by procrastinating and not living up to my vision of my best self, so while writing this post, I realized that we teach that which we most need to learn. Today, that means I need to learn to look at my vision of myself, and after I share one of my unique talents in this blog, I will take great care of myself, my home and my family, because that is the best vision I have for me. Thanks for being you and have a great day!


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