The Love of My Life

6 Mar

It’s 4:30am and I can’t sleep. I need to write, and I want to be truthful and authentic, but I also want to be respectful of the subject matter because I don’t want to embarrass anyone, especially the love of my life, because tonight I remembered how fragile life can be. Tonight I was reminded that life can change in an instant. Tonight I saved a life.

I’ve never seen the movie Jerry Maguire, but I have seen the moment when he looks into the eyes of the woman he loves and says “You complete me” and I understand that statement all too well. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that each of us is whole, or at least has the potential of being whole, on our own. We can be fully human without a spouse or children, but in my case, I know in the deepest part of my soul that part of the reason I was born was to love and spend my life with the man that I’m married to.

Those people, who know my husband, know that we are very different. I’m an extrovert and he is reserved. I am emotional and verbal. He is even keeled and a thinker. I do puzzles by color and shading. He does them by the shape of the pieces. He is a math and science kind of guy, and I am a literature and writing girl, but together we make it work. We both knew it on our first date and within six months we were living together and planning our wedding. I can literally count on one hand the arguments we’ve had, and our married life is full of more love than I had ever imagined there could be in a marriage. Most of that is because of the kind of people we are, but there is something else that reminds us of our love and commitment to each other, and that is my husband’s diabetes.

My husband was diagnosed with Juvenile or Type 1 diabetes at age 15. He was hospitalized for a month and given a ten percent chance of survival. He beat the odds but thought no one would want to marry him or have children with him because of his disease. Then along came this soon to be divorced woman, who was slightly broken herself, and the rest is history as they say. The disease has never stood in the way of anything but a few dinners out with friends when we show up and have already eaten because we have to keep a fairly regular schedule. In most ways, we’re like any other couple, but in some ways, we’re very different. We stay focused on the positive and how much we love each other because the disease does remind us on occasion how quickly life can change or even be taken away. Tonight was one of those nights. Tonight I rolled over and felt the cold sweat that lets me know something is wrong. Tonight, when I asked my husband to check his blood sugar, the answer I got made no sense. Tonight as I made the first and the second huge glass of chocolate milk, I prayed that he would find his way back to me, and, thankfully, he did.

Only those who have seen a loved one come back from the brink can understand the relief of that moment. Only a very few can understand the joy of hearing him be able to tell me how many children he has and what their names are. Only I know the love that I felt first when I held him as he regained his clarity and second as he held me in appreciation for helping him get there. Then came the tears; the tears of relief that he lived, the tears of fear that I couldn’t allow myself to feel in the moments before, and the tears of gratitude that I get to live another day with the man of my dreams.

So, I’ll deal with not getting enough sleep. I’ll deal with kids and laundry and making Mayan headdresses and changing hair appointments. I’ll move on knowing that the man I love will be leaving for work in a couple of hours instead of spending the night in the hospital or worse, and I’ll remember that tonight I actually saved two lives because no matter how complete I am on my own, I am so much better with my husband in my life. He inspires me to be and do my best every day and is my greatest blessing. I challenge all wives and husbands and significant others to see the blessing in your beloved. Do something nice for them especially if it’s unexpected. You may not save a life, but then again, you might. Thanks for being you and have a great day!

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4 Responses to “The Love of My Life”

  1. Nikki Nickell March 6, 2012 at 4:53 pm #

    Bravo!You are amazing. I cannot begin to fathom waking up to such a potential nightmare…but in feelings you are not alone. Bill crashed on the mountain several years ago…on a little used run, but another instructor had seen him go down out of the corner of his eye. Long story short, after he didn’t see Bill get up, he called the ski patrol…and he was whisked to Seattle 60 miles away. I got a call from Bill…and he said “I took a little tumble. I guess I;ll see you tomorrow” so I assumed he was coming home. An hour later I got a call from Harborview [that is the Seattle go to hospital for trauma cases] and they said Bill was in intensive case with 5 broken vertabrae..and a crushed chest [he had flipped twice in his “tumble”]. I still cannot recall driving the 129 miles to Seattle….and I kept thinking about all the times we snap at each other [a habit I believe learned from Mom and Dad] and how much I really did care for him. Now we can laugh at the things he said and did while he was medicated to the hilt…the worst part for him was e lost 2 inches…but he still goes back skiing every year!

    • karenbemmes March 7, 2012 at 2:04 am #

      It’s amazing how a moment like that can make you realize all too quickly and clearly what is important in this life. So glad Uncle Bill had someone watching over him.

  2. Terri Fedonczak March 6, 2012 at 9:25 pm #

    This is such a lovely post, that I just shared it on my FB page. You are a wonderful writer, and your husband is a very lucky guy!

    • karenbemmes March 7, 2012 at 1:59 am #

      Thank you Terri. We’re lucky to have each other.

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