Back on the Path…Again

11 Mar

Sometimes I write to help me process. Sometimes I can’t write because I have to process first. Lately I’ve had trouble finding a topic to write about and this morning I figured out why; I’ve taken my eyes off the path of my journey and put them elsewhere. Geez, I hate it when that happens, but it did and realizing it was enlightening and incredibly empowering.

Short back story: I feel like the past few weeks I’ve been on everyone else’s schedule. My older two have had sports tryouts and practices. My husband is working lots of over time. I’ve hosted events and been disappointed by people who didn’t attend. The more that happened, the more resentful and bitter I felt. Blah! Blah! Blah! Whine! Whine! Whine!

Today, after some yoga, meditation and personal journaling, the answer to my prayer of “why is this happening to me?” was answered, and it was not what I wanted it to be. I wanted it to be that everyone else was uncaring and should be punished. I wanted it to be that I was right and they were wrong. I didn’t get that answer. What I got was a reality check. What I got was, “who are you to be so morose and judgmental and bitter?” What I got was, “think about the fact that you have shelter and food and clothing when so many do not.” What I got was, “so what if you have pain in your body from dancing the night away with your husband and children at a school dance? You have children to dance with and a safe place to do that.” What I got was the realization that my life is so much better than so many, despite its petty inconveniences. Dammit!! Time to leave my martyrdom behind, yet again, and choose another way.

So, today I choose to be grateful and to realize that, although my life is far from perfect, it is better than most. Today, on my oldest child’s eighteenth birthday I choose to remember the miracle of birth I’ve witnessed three times as the result of a loving marriage. Today, as I look at my not so perfect home, I will realize that I have a home when so many very close to where I live have lost everything they own and sometimes more. Today I will, again, remember to count blessings instead of transgressions and to release the complaints of others because I can. I know there are people out there who will say I don’t know the circumstances of their lives and how difficult their life is, but I would answer that they don’t know all the circumstances of my life either and the things I’ve overcome. What I believe with all my heart, though, is that no matter your circumstances, if you have the resources to read this post, you can find the good, and if you can’t find the good, you can choose to be the good you want to see. Most of us are much more powerful than we know if we would just choose to act. Today I choose to act, to make myself, my home and my part of the world a better place, and I will bless the uncomfortable time I’ve just been through because it’s reminded me of who I don’t want to be as I continue to grow up. Thanks for being you and have a great day!

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2 Responses to “Back on the Path…Again”

  1. Nikki Nickell March 11, 2012 at 6:43 pm #

    oNE OF YOUR BEST! lOVE YOU SO MUCH!

    • Karen Bemmes March 12, 2012 at 12:38 am #

      Thanks. Love you too!!

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