The Scratches on my Rose Colored Glasses

17 Mar

I am very much a glass half full kind of woman, at least most of the time. I have been accused, more than once of looking at the world through rose colored glasses, and for the most part it’s true. There are those times, though, that something happens that sends me into a downward spiral. It usually seems like a small thing, but it’s not. It really is a small thing in a series of things that I don’t address and then WHAMMO!! I’m in a funk, at a low point, and maybe even depressed, and that’s what happened this week.

Yesterday, after finding out conclusively that I didn’t have a tumor, I was relieved, but not happy. I had this veil of sadness and depression I just couldn’t shake. I still felt raw and emotional. I went through the motions of living, but couldn’t put my heart into anything, and this morning I woke up and still didn’t feel any better. Then I found a note from my husband. It was an apology for a comment he made that he thought started my downward spiral. It didn’t. What started it was a comment made last Sunday during a party. It was a comment by one of my sons that compared me to someone they know I don’t like being compared to. It hurt, but because it was a party, I let it slide. This week was also unusual because my older two boys had different school schedules and my mornings, my blessed, quiet, me-time mornings, were messed up. Then there was the lump that threatened my health and my way of life. There was the solar flare, Mercury in retrograde and crazy storms. And finally there was my husband’s comment. In a tumultuous week, his comment that something I said was cruel and uncalled for just threw me for a loop, and the downward spiral began.

I began to question whether I am the person I think I am, the way I mother my children, what kind of friend I am and how I live my life. I was reading material that told me how toxic my life was because of the chemicals in my home, and I was hearing the comments from my loved ones telling me how toxic I am because of the words coming out of my mouth. And then, this morning I found the note, the note that explained how something traumatic from my husband’s past made him cringe at my comment; the note that asked for my forgiveness; the note that helped me see my way out of my spiral.

My husband’s note helped me realize that I had allowed everyone else’s priorities to govern my life. It showed me so clearly that everything I do and everything that everyone else does is a choice. Sometimes those choices are clouded by our past, especially those events that are extremely emotional. That note made it so clear to me the areas of my life I had given over my power to others and let them control my choices, and most of all it made me want to take my power and my life back. It also made me realize that if this had been anyone else going through what I had gone through this week, I would have been much kinder to them than I was to myself. It’s illuminating and empowering and I suddenly feel very grateful for the whole process. I know that sounds crazy, but I do.

I am grateful that I was given that opportunity to face some hard truths about myself and my life without really having my life or livelihood threatened. I am grateful that I can create a better future for myself and my family. I’m grateful for my intuition, my connection with the Divine and my family, but most of all I’m grateful that I’m here, I’m healthy and I get to choose how to live my life. Those rose colored glasses may have a scratch or two, but today they are showing me a very rosy today and tomorrow. Hopefully your today and tomorrow look just as rosy. Thanks for being you and have a great day!


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