Archive | May, 2014

Nothing

30 May

Nothing.

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Nothing

30 May

5-minute-friday-1Today I feel like nothing; like I don’t exist. I am the nothing that others can so easily overlook. I am the nothing that they can say no to and ignore. I am the disposable one. I long for the feeling of meaning something to someone. I long to see my own magnificence the way I can see the magnificence of others. I want nothing to stop me from being everything I’m supposed to be. I want to overcome my fear of meaning nothing to those I love the most. I want to embrace being nothing and everything all at the same time. I want for nothing yet I want for everything. I feel like nothing, yet I feel everything. How can nothing be so powerful? How can nothing be in charge? Curse you nothing, and curse you everything. I know there is balance, and I am on the road to find it. I will conquer you, nothing, and I will conquer everything as well. I will find good enough. I will find peace. I will find love.

Living Life from the Inside Out

22 May

Living Life from the Inside Out.

Living Life from the Inside Out

22 May

It’s been a while since I’ve posted because there is so much life going on. I follow a few other bloggers and one of them wrote about how he would rather post less frequently with relevant content than more frequently just to keep his name in front of his subscribers. I know exactly how he feels. When my craft becomes one of my chores, it loses its punch and authenticity. None of us has Earth shattering experiences or life altering epiphanies every day, even those of us who seek them. Some weeks are just filled with life instead of Life, and that is a good thing because it brings balance to a lifestyle that can sometimes overwhelm even the best of us.

This week, actually this morning, a phrase popped into my head that I think will be my mantra for a while. I have been reading a book by Panache Desai called Finding Your Soul Signature. It is an incredible book that asks you to face your fear, guilt, shame and other dark aspects of yourself in a way I’ve never considered before, and today something occurred to me. We spend so much of our time trying to create a peaceful home, community and world, and when that peace gets a ripple in it, we get all flustered, frustrated and angry. We think to create peace we need to create a world without conflict and disagreement and when we find that conflict and disagreement; we feel we must somehow destroy it before it destroys us. WRONG! The way to create true peace is to find it within yourself by releasing resistance to what is and accepting it. Ooooh! That’s a tough one isn’t it? We so much want to be right about everything and justify everything so that we can feel that on some level the other person, whoever that may be, is wrong. I had a huge lesson in this very subject this weekend.

For three days, I was on a Junior High School choir trip. It’s the first time I’ve ever chaperoned anything that lasted more than a few hours, and it was an eye opener. I’ve always thought of myself as a person who is adaptable and pretty free flowing. This weekend, I got to see all of the areas where that isn’t so. I saw how parents, teachers and students handled stress and each other. I saw how teens assert their personal power in unhealthy ways when they don’t feel empowered in healthier ones. I saw how people gravitate toward each other and the pain that can cause when someone is excluded. The blessing in that particular instance, though, was watching others step up and do what they could to help bring that wounded person back to peace. It was a weekend of teens being forced to look away from screens and interact with one another, and I believe it was a growing experience for us all. If you doubt that, imagine trying to get over 200 people settled into their rooms in a seven or eight story hotel with three elevators and no common set of stairs to all floors, and those people are from two completely different organizations. One group was our three choirs and the other was a club of basketball players of different ages. Oh, and it was after 10pm and this particular hotel has quiet hours that begin at 10 pm. Get the picture? Trust me, I exerted patience I didn’t even know I had.

Saturday morning, we headed out for the choir competition, and when we got to the venue, half an hour early for the first performance, the directors found out they had been given the wrong venue on their paperwork, and we were a half hour away from the other venue. I happened to be on the bus with the boys who were performing first, and when the director came back on the bus, we didn’t even have to hear what she had to say before we knew something was wrong. Everything about her demeanor showed her stress. She explained to us what had happened and that the boys might miss their performance time. You could hear the stress in her voice, see it on her face and see it in her body language, but she did her very best to be calm and just share information and instructions. We arrived at the venue three minutes before their scheduled performance. The boys had to literally run to get there, and quickly straighten their ties and tuck in their shirts. They were given just a few minutes to warm up and they had to perform as if nothing had happened. The director had risen to the occasion and so did the boys. They performed beautifully and then, for those of you who have spent time with teenage boys, you will really appreciate this; they sat in the audience without fidgeting and without talking for over an hour. For those who think teenage boys are all hooligans and disrespectful, I wish you could have seen how these boys mirrored their directors’ grace under pressure. It truly gives me hope for the future. Did they have moments of being smart alecks at other times? You bet they did, but for that brief time, they showed everyone that when the going got tough, they could meet and rise above the challenge.

So, here’s the thing I got from this weekend. I love living in an atmosphere that is uncluttered, clean and welcoming, and I do my best to make my house that kind of place. To me that is the essence of a peaceful home. I am also working toward having a yard that is well taken care of and a joy to spend time in. I enjoy having a car that is organized and that I am comfortable having people ride in, but all of that pales in comparison to feeling peaceful in my own skin. I realized this weekend that it isn’t the home, car or yard that creates peace in me. It’s the peace within me that manifests in my surroundings; a part of me has always known that, but this weekend made it so very clear. It’s a huge shift to live from the inside out rather than the outside in, but it’s one I’m excited to explore, and I’m sure there will be a few more revelations and blog posts along the way to share. So for today I’m checking in instead of checking out, and I hope you’ll do the same. Find your peaceful place and live from there. Even and especially if the outside circumstances of your life feel like they are stealing or disrupting your peace in some way, stop if you can and close your eyes. Find your way back to a peaceful thought and hang onto it as much as you can. Breathe deeply and remember, you can live from the inside out. You have so much more control and power than you give yourself credit for and peace is only a thought and a breath away. Peace to you all until we meet again. Thanks for being you and have a great day!

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