Do Better December 9th 2014 When Mom Loses It

9 Dec

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Yesterday was not one of my finer ones. It was one of those days where I was trying to keep up but wasn’t quite making the grade. It was a day where I asked my middle and older sons to pick up the middle one’s car and the middle one refused because he was concerned about being late for work. At the time I asked him, I was on my way to get the youngest from an after school program and still needed to take him to horn lessons, make dinner and get ready for my husband to return from a grueling business trip. I had just found out that he flight had been delayed, and he wouldn’t be landing until 11:20pm instead of his original 9pm arrival time. So, in addition to everything I needed to do, I now had to run my oldest to get the middle’s car by 5pm and it was nearly 4pm and the youngest’s music lesson was at five and I began to feel the swirl of stress.

Just before dinner, the oldest, while holding a paper towel, did something that I’m told brothers all do to each other. He pretended like he was going to hit the youngest. He had no intention of hitting him. He just wanted to tease him and make him jump. He got more than he bargained for when he accidentally scraped the edge of the paper towel across his brother’s eyeball, and his brother let out a yell of pain. Not long after we figured out we weren’t going to the emergency room to have the youngest’s eye checked out, the youngest asked if he and the oldest could play a favorite video game if he finished his homework early. I said I would think about it and checked his grades and found out he had two missing assignments, something we had just had meetings about and had discussed at length. Needless to say, it had been a stressful few hours, and I wish that I could say I handled it with grace. I wish I could say I knew just what to say to each of them to set each situation right and move on with joy. I wish…

Some days we mess up. Some days we are less than we hope we’ll be. Some days we are not the mom, dad, child or even human being we aspire to be. Some days it all comes crashing down like a house of cards, big huge cards, and your whole family gets buried under the debris. Yesterday was that day for me. The part of me that is still clings to unhealthy habits wants to beat myself up with guilt because some parents have lost a child and would give anything to have them back for a moment, no matter how they were behaving. That part of me tells me what a bad mom I am for not being a loving presence in my children’s lives at all times. It’s a part of me that thinks I should be the perfect mom like Donna Reed while at the same time tells me I’m more like Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest, without the eyebrows and the obsession with wire hangers. It’s a part of me that is unrealistic and cruel to me, but it is that very same part of me that, on a very rare occasion, unleashes on my children. Yesterday was one of those occasions. Yes, my kids were messing up and/or being belligerent. They were acting well below their best selves, but I joined them and that is the issue for today.

No matter how much we do or fail to do, we often judge ourselves too harshly. We have a day that we do extraordinarily well, and we expect ourselves to perform at that level every single day. Maybe some people can do that but not me. I definitely have more good days than bad, but lack of sleep, poor eating, small emergencies and some days even a phone call or errand can derail the best of intentions for the day. I do my best and for the most part I succeed in giving my family a loving, happy home. Some days I do better than others, and occasionally I am extraordinary. Yesterday, I was extraordinary but on the wrong side of the coin. Today, I’m picking up the pieces and moving forward. Last night, I had pretty much made peace with all my boys, although this morning was a bit strained. Today, I’ll do my best to live better and more importantly, love better. By losing sight of my intention to be a great mom, I was a terrible one for a few hours. Today I’ll do and be better. I’ve forgiven my kids. Now I’ll work on forgiving myself. With each thing I do, whether it’s folding laundry, sweeping a floor, writing a blog post or making a special dinner, I’ll be doing it with the intention of blessing my family and myself. It will be done with great love and in the spirit of forgiveness. It will be done in the hope that today and every day from here on is a better day than yesterday. I know they won’t all be sunshine and roses, but I can try.

For those who have been following Do Better December, I have been issuing a challenge to help get your home ready for the holidays and New Year. Today the challenge is more personal. Today I challenge you to do something in the spirit of blessing your family in a special and/or unexpected way. Do a chore you normally expect them to do. Make a special meal or treat. Buy a special meal or treat. Do something out of the ordinary to make this day a special one for you and your loved ones, and also take a moment to do something special for yourself. It may be taking a moment this afternoon to have a quiet cup of tea. It may be taking a bath after the kids have gone to bed. It may be turning off the TV and putting on music that makes you happy, but take at least 15 minutes today to spend pampering yourself. You deserve it, and it will recharge your batteries and bless you more than you know. I wish you all a day of peace, productivity and joy. As always, thanks for being you and have a great day.

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One Response to “Do Better December 9th 2014 When Mom Loses It”

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  1. Do Better December 9th 2014 When Mom Loses It | karenbemmes aka Better Living Daily - December 9, 2014

    […] Do Better December 9th 2014 When Mom Loses It. […]

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